
I’d like to introduce you to one of my current favourite wedding readings.
First posted by the author, here: https://journal.neilgaiman.com/2017/10/wedding-thoughts-all-i-know-about-love.html

All I Know About Love – by Neil Gaiman
This is everything I have to tell you about love: nothing.
This is everything I've learned about marriage: nothing.
Only that the world out there is complicated,
and there are beasts in the night, and delight and pain,
and the only thing that makes it okay, sometimes,
is to reach out a hand in the darkness and find another hand to squeeze,
and not to be alone.
It's not the kisses, or never just the kisses: it's what they mean.
Somebody's got your back.
Somebody knows your worst self and somehow doesn't want to rescue you
or send for the army to rescue them.
It's not two broken halves becoming one.
It's the light from a distant lighthouse bringing you both safely home
because home is wherever you are both together.
So this is everything I have to tell you about love and marriage: nothing,
like a book without pages or a forest without trees.
Because there are things you cannot know before you experience them.
Because no study can prepare you for the joys or the trials.
Because nobody else's love, nobody else's marriage, is like yours,
and it's a road you can only learn by walking it,
a dance you cannot be taught,
a song that did not exist before you began, together, to sing.
And because in the darkness you will reach out a hand,
not knowing for certain if someone else is even there.
And your hands will meet,
and then neither of you will ever need to be alone again.
And that's all I know about love.

Fabulous, right? How have I missed knowing about this great wedding reading for 7 years?!
Unfortunately, Neil Gaiman is currently receiving bad press due to allegations of sexual misconduct towards women, so applauding this reading makes me feel a little uneasy.
He was also in New Zealand when the country went into lockdown in 2020, but he somehow managed to leave the country to go to his holiday home in the Isle of Skye, Scotland. He had to make a public apology for that.
So, his behaviour lets him down, somewhat. However, if I imagine this poem written by someone else, I LOVE the poem.
Why?
The key theme that "nobody else's love, nobody else's marriage, is like yours, and it's a road you can only learn by walking it" hits the nail on the head.
I have been married for 24 years next month, and our journey as a couple has been an incredibly complex and varied one (like most couples, I imagine), but at the same time hugely rewarding.
15 years in we hit a roadblock – we were stuck in behaviours that were hurting each other. We sought a marriage counsellor and he said that it takes 20 years to get to know a person. At the time I was all doubt, “Yeah, right…”
The counsellor was proven right. With commitment and kindness, my husband and I found our way again, began to sing our quirky little songs again, dance our own unique dance. And the act of sticking it out, working out how to communicate effectively, and finding love again, has been the most enormous learning curve and journey of personal growth. I am so proud of us, and our mutual commitment to work through a truly difficult time. Our relationship is ever the richer for it.
When working with Francie from Flourish and Free Coaching, as she and her partner were organising their wedding, she sent me some of the articles etc that were prompting their discussions about marriage – what was its purpose, what was important to remember within a marriage, what makes a marriage successful and so forth. The one quote that struck me was this:
The point of marriage is not happiness. The point of marriage is growth.
So true! It’s like Gaiman said, “the world out there is complicated.” Happiness ebbs and flows, it is not a constant, and it should definitely not be somebody else’s job to make you happy.
The important thing is to choose a person who:
· Enriches you – does not diminish you
· Encourages you – does not try to fix you
· Respects you – does not try to change you
· Genuinely wants to see you flourish
· And, will reach for your hand through it all, so neither of you are alone
I feel incredibly grateful for having ALL of those things in my marriage now.

But I digress - back to the reading.
The purpose of a reading in a marriage ceremony is to enhance the meaningfulness of the ceremony. The best reading is the one that reflects your beliefs on marriage, love or friendship… If it resonates with you, and reflects you, then you are onto a winner!
Words are powerful, and searching for the right ones is so worth the effort. I have an extensive booklet of Readings that I offer to couples, which covers a wide range of styles and lengths. 143 pages of potential gold for your wedding day.
When I add this one, it will be 144. 😊

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