Where should the visual tribute go in a funeral, memorial or celebration of life ceremony?

Up until now, I thought I knew the answer to this question! However, after a recent 3-day end-of-life workshop run by the fabulous Australian based Deathwalker* Zenith Virago, I have been challenged (in a good way) to rethink my answer. 

In fact, I have decided that there is no one right answer. 

The two key factors to consider when deciding where a visual tribute should go in a funeral, memorial, or celebration of life ceremony are: 

1. The purpose of the visual tribute ~what outcome do we desire? 

2. The audience ~who will be there?

I have always put the visual tribute after all the spoken tributes, providing an opportunity for family, friends and colleagues to sit quietly in their own memories of the deceased person. The photos and music stir up all sorts of reactions – laughing, crying, praying, sobbing, chortling, wry smiles of recognition, people clutching each other in the shared memories… It is a beautiful and raw time, and a necessary release of emotion.

The desired outcome is a feeling of community and kinship, being together in grief, remembering a unique and special life through being provided with snippets of a whole life. The talking has finished, and the people attending know that the end of the ceremony will come soon and they will have to say goodbye and go out into the world without their precious person. They want to fill their minds with those images.

When taking an end of life ceremony, I lead people gently out of the visual tribute, with words I hope will help them to find courage and wisdom for the reality of what lies ahead. Then we say goodbye and the ceremony ends with a proceeding out of some kind.

At less formal, at-home ceremonies, with fewer people in attendance, the visual tribute has been played on the TV with everyone gathered in the lounge. This has led nicely into informal storytelling and chatting, with the kai/food and drinks being brought out and shared around. The formal words have all been said, the goodbyes made, the high emotions have calmed. People are ready to remain gathered in a familiar place, enjoying the memories and togetherness, departing when they feel ready.

Zenith offers a different approach. She puts the visual tribute before the spoken tributes. The purpose, to nourish the minds of those present with images of what they will soon hear in the stories. It may prompt more spontaneous speakers after the organised ones, because they have seen an image that has prompted a dear memory. Zenith also offers the opportunity for people to write their tributes after all the speakers have finished, while listening to music, and these written tributes can be placed with the deceased, in or on the casket.

I love this idea! It would make for a beautiful ceremony.

For a person who has lived a long life it may even be appropriate to have two visual tributes? One that covers the expanse of life from birth to death before the speakers; and a second near the end that is more focused on recent times and the deceased’s personality as a way to uplift people, helping them to find gratitude for having had that person in their lives for so many years.

And, on a different note, for very heartbreaking losses, a visual tribute might not be appropriate at all. There may be no images, or very few images to share, only shattered dreams. That is a whole different body of work in the funeral space.

I thank Zenith for challenging my thinking and helping me to improve as a celebrant.

When it comes to helping to organise future ceremonies for families, I will always be asking myself - who is the ceremony for, and what is the desired outcome for the visual tribute?

*You may be more familiar with the term doula (or death doula) or companion – this is someone who accompanies and supports the dying person and their family as they journey through end-of-life, death and grief. 

Warmest wishes